Time to Chat

It's been close to a week now after the break up and I feel a little better about talking about it. I still don't want to tell anyone because I can't bear it, especially his family member's because it will break some of their hearts. But for now, I can just chit chat with ya'll.

I've never gone through anything like this before. The hurt, the lack of appetite (which is still an issue), and pain, and uneasyness, the missing, all of it. It's terrible. It's so disgusting that the thought of ever having another realtionship seems impossible and unthinkable, but that is natural I would assume. I must take this time to thank all my friends for their prayers and support through this time. It was encouraging to see that response at a time when I feel very lonely and depressed.

At times throughout the day, I hit a low point, where I miss him like crazy, want to pick up the phone and call, and drive over to his house and spend time with him. I try to put it out of my head and let it pass, like how an alcoholic has cravings for his favorite brew. (Not saying I know anything about that). It's like a strange addiction, I kept asking everyone if it would get better. I kept waking up in the morning sad and upset. Now my goal is to wake up from sleep happy and content- something I couldn't do till Saturday morning and I credit that to being with one of my best friend's house tucked in bed and happy to be single with her.

The break up was mutual- which is good, somewhat bad, but good from the stories I've heard. We agreed on it, and we still want to remain friends. I know many don't, but the day after the break up, being at his house and with him was the best it had been in a long time. It felt better, it was funner, it was better as friends. I still miss the companionship though, and all those memories.

I leave back to school Friday. I'm nervous, and excited, but nervous to leave home because I get in a comfy rut. I know once I'm back it will better, but knowing that I have one less safeguard of comfort and love, it's weirdly un-nerving. I will pack for the next several days, help move my brother (I unfortunatly got sucked into that one), finish out my week at Shop N' Save, and try to make it through with a proud feeling of singleness with me.

It helps that my two best friends from high school are also single right now. In fact, we all pretty much became single for the summer, and odds are it will stay that way. Weird, but comforting. I love all my girls from home and will miss them a lot, especially H, I've spent the past week with her every day pretty much.

It's time to get to bed or do something productive. Nothing good is on at this time of night. I love David Letterman, I will miss him too, lol.

Night ya'll, see you soon.