I've Lost It

Honestly, I've lost it.

Our intern supervisor, Steve, today spoke to us and talked about how he's appreciated how much we have given and our willingness to serve this summer. This was coming from a guy who's served many places and about to leave for Zambia for two weeks. And I then reflected instantly.

This really is insanity. By all means, I could have worked a summer job, made a good bit of cash, spent time with close friends, stayed within the comforts of my family, worked out, watched the soaps each afternoon, played with my dog, spend countless hours on the internet at any time, and enjoy home-cooked meals each night. I could have had my own car to drive around, and been there to help my Dad paint it. I could have yard saled with Mom each Saturday.

Instead I chose an expensive summer, which expensive phone bills, and expensive eat eateries. I chose to buy a $200 plane ticket to travel to the other side of the United States to live in close confines with people I had never met before. I paid to live in Los Feliz, and to live on $100 a week for 8 other girls in a 3 bedroom apartment. I chose to sweep floors at a nightclub and stack chairs. I chose to spend time designing under pressure, to squeeze into cars each day as I carpooled from place to place without transportation of my own, and to dog it down the quad playing ultimate frisbee. I chose to sleep in an apartment that is right next to a noisy blvd. and that doesn't have functional air conditioning.

And this is what I got.

I've received a summer of learning. I've learned about my strengths and what they have to do with leading people. I've connected with people that come from all over the world. I've been on a team of passionate people who draw me into the conversation of their hearts. I've been challenged to love people with my time and not my program. I've been humbled by watching others sacrifice their car, money, and love for each other. I've been convicted to live a life for a higher calling, a calling each one of us desires for ourselves. I've been eating a lot of tuna because it's cheap. I've been getting a small tan on my arms and my feet so you can now see an outline of my shoes. I've been given a chance to speak twice in a 5 minute time span, an experience and feedback session that is so helpful for talking with anyone.

I'm more raw. More challenged. And more directed where to go from here.

I lost it all this summer. And I got it all.

...in fact, I got more.