Thoughts from 418

It's occurred to me today that I am a paradox. Now when you read that, you are probably thinking "Oh what foolish gibber is she talking about now" but really, on a more serious, yet comical note, I am a paradox in way. I've discovered that I feel deathly busy during the week with class, work, meetings, readings, exercising, and on the weekends relaxed, slowed, but lonely was can be.

Sure, if you try to reach me during the week, I just might get back to you a few days later because it's one thing after the other. Honestly, on Tuesday's and Thursday's it's manic madness, and Monday and Wednesday's it's shuffling out the door to this and that, and Friday is the calm before the storm of weirdness.

I still can find no way to define the "proper use" of a Saturday in Edinboro. See, when in Kittanning I have spend hundreds of Saturdays spending time with friends, eating breakfast with the family, hanging around the house, doing an odd job with my mother, visiting people, going to town, etc. When I wake up on Saturday in my dorm room, I'm not sure what to do. I wake up alone, eat alone, go to the gym alone, work on projects in my room alone, shower alone (well, that's normal. But having showering buddies is always fun!) All in all, I just don't know what to do on a Saturday in Edinboro. I know my concept of "what to do on Saturday" is a socially constructed issue, but it still mystifies me.

I think it's safe to declare that I will be a Potter's House resident for the 2006-2007 year. This fact excites me and is going to be great because, frankly, I'm tired of this lonely dorm room game. The roommate who used to go to the gym with me from time to time, ran with me, even slept in the same room as me, has changed, found a new niche, and has gone down a different road, which is fine. I have my road too, but it stinks when you go to bed at night alone, wake up alone, and do everything alone. I am starting to feel something strange about this.

I don't need a boyfriend, no, that is not the solution to my weird "loneliness", because that time has not presented itself. I don't need a dog, I have a fish (Besides, dogs are off-limits). I don't know what it is, but I am getting a little tired of having so much to do and being lonely. Maybe it's a phase. I don't feel it during the week, but during the weekend I do.

And the things that keep me busy - I enjoy! And when I do have free time, I "schedule" it into my life and thus it becomes a "schedule" rather than "my own choice". Example - free time at 6:00 on Monday and Wednesday = going to the gym instead. For the past 3 weeks I have been going cardio close to everyday, spending over an hour at the gym, running 2 miles on the treadmill, working the machines, even pilates. I think about that and think "What?!"

Well, I am going to visit M downstairs to receive my compensation of milk and oreos (I have been eating junk food today too). He and K went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and didn't invite me while I sat in my room bored, so bored I took a nap because I had a headache. Sunday is a weird day too, but Saturday takes the cake.

I am actually excited to go home from Spring Break and spend time at home. Maybe I will come home a bit more, like for Easter and maybe a time in between there. And next year too. I don't know. I just miss home, love, and freakin' companionship! lol. This block room sucks. Peace out, have a great week, and eat your oatmeal!