My Butt Says No

After a terrible dream last night, I barely pulled myself out of bed to attend my first class of the day- English Research and Writing. This class, well, sucks not because I have a hatred for writing (if I did you wouldn't be reading this) but it is the fact that I have to write a ten page paper on my major. Great. Something already rock to and fro about day to day deciding whether it's right for me and now I have to put together some thoughts about it on parchment for a grade. Times like these i wish i lived in the pioneer days...and once I think of the measles and small pox, I jump right back into 2005.

I am trying to pinpoint what it is that seems to rock my socks when it comes to my major and the worries and hyperveinilating. Slowly, I think I am getting a grip on some of the issues.

1. Intimidation- Sure it sounds cheesy, but it's pretty true. I look at other works and see hwo cool they are, how cretive they appear, and then it hits me how small I m in the world and how much their talent exceeds my own. Not really a good characterisitic to have right now, but I am working on it. As my friend Kristin reminds me "You are only a freshman in college. It seems you want to plan everything out for the next four years in your second semester of college. I'd suggest taking it easy." Which is very true, I have made it a goal for the year of 2005 to quit fretting about any matter than comes to mind. In fact, 2005 is shaping up to be pretty great so far. (Knock on wood)

2. Role Confusion- I take a look at all the graphic designers in the world and I begin to sterotype. From that point on, all of my deocrations and lifestyle doesn't fit in at all with the life of a graphic designer. In my mind (scary place to begin with), graphic designers were high heels all day, live on meager wages, are a little on the metal side with "art thinking and man, you know, dude, thoughtful stuff, go hippi vans" way of thinking, and their living space is cold and uncomfortable. I'm trying to get rid of this one too.

Interest- I am still trying to find out if it's what I'm destine to do or not. Some days I feel like it's the best thing in the world as I design a poster for a friend or play around on the computer, and other days I feel like I've made a drastic mistake being enrolled in college for this major and all these programs I am using are so much bigger than I. Since we are starting a new project in QuarkXPress, I hope i will find some glimmer of hope for my personal feelings and the outlook on this major.

What would I do instead? Beats me. (really it does, it comes into my room at night and takes some of my heavy textbooks I paid out the butt for and gives me a good beating) My other possiblity is some time of high school counselor who helps out people with their plans, but then again, how am I suppost to do that when I am still confused as what to do?

I think it's time for me to stop worrying, I guess you could call it worrying, and put my nose to the grindstone for another week of school. Thankfully we have tomorrow of because of a blessed "Reading Day" that is working into the schedule for who knows what reason but I will be the last one complaining about a day off. I'm more than ready for have normal dreams. On the cheery side, my bowling team is picking up their trophies, t-shirts, and having our picture taken since we were champs for last semester. Also, I am going out to visit my Aunt in Cleveland this weekend. Yea!

Enjoy the day!