After finally moving back into the dorm room at school, K, my mentor, helped me realize something I didn't really notice before but it was so obvious. I don't deal with change well.
Once I think back, when I moved to school last year it was a disaster. I was away from home, my pets, and most importantly at the time, my boyfriend. I miseed everything, I cried for a week, my heart rate was at an insane speed for weeks, and I barely ate anything. My room was boring, I was alone, I was scared to death and in a major I was seriously questioning. This time around it was much better, less tears, but I still miss home. I don't miss my friends, and no offense to them, nor do I miss the town (but that is understandable) and I dare not say I miss work, I miss home, family, the simple things likk David Letterman weeknights at 11:35, seeing my new baby cousin, playing with pets, and having homecooked meals. Sure, I will get back into my routine, but home was so different this summer.
I entered the summer with a baby cousin on the way, one less grandparent, a year of college under my belt, repairing friendship, and trying to keep the pieces together of another. But this summer I soaked everything in- the poolside, the fields, my pets, my family, everything. I matured, I grew, and I took all the memories and pictures in my mind that I could. I savored the summer.
Now that it's gone, I still miss it but it leaves me excited for the next summer that will be filled with even more fun. I feel as if I am turning a new leaf for the year. But it's still challenging. I felt I was clinging to my parents when they came up to move me. I even have a childish tradition of always watching them pull out from the turn around infront of the building. Change just isn't my thing.
In fact, as I was chatting with K at the house, I lamented about the doom I have facing me. What happens the night before I get married, or having children, getting a job, moving, all these big steps in life? Odds are that I will spaz each and every time. A part of me wishes I could skip all that and wake up with someone at my side in a silk-sheeted bed with a dog on the floor and a job to work at that I enjoyed, but then again, when does that happen? There is a country song that goes "Life's a dance, You learn as you go". It's the learning experience that counts. Look what one year of college can do for a person. I look at those who are younger than I and a part of me wishes them off to school in order to learn and expereince a new way of life, but in short, to grow up at times, hehe. College grows you faster than miracle on a spider plant. (which is doing terrific.)
I am very blessed to have the friends I do at school. All of them. At the PH, I sit down on the couch, watch some television on their 3 or so channels, and chill to a point where I am so relaxed I become sleeping and feel exactly like I would at home. Weird, but true. My heart rate drops, my nerves relax, my mind relaxes. God wanted me at Edinboro- I'm so glad I ended up here. Sometimes when I miss home I think of how I could have gone to a local university in an hour's distance, but then again, the boro is my other home. It's just getting into the groove that is so difficult. It's the change.
I'll post some pics of the room when I get a change. It's the same type of style as before, but the digs are cool. More colorful and mature theme. I am so organized. Please call a number for me. Haha.
So expect me to blog a bit more often than in the summer. You'd think it would be the other way around, but I don't live and breathe computer at home like I do at school. I should name my computer, like the "fembot" or the "della" or "piece of crap that was almost killed by a bible CD-ROM" (when angry) or "Sweet blessing from heaven above" (when sweet talking is nessessary). Have a good one folks, I will try to play catch up. You're it!
Never ceasing to be amazed.
